The words everyone is scared of hearing.

We have heard them.

We heard, ” It’s cancer.” We heard, “There is nothing more we can do.” We have had that nightmare doctor visit more than once. Those words will haunt you. I remember holding my baby and weeping in the doctor’s office. Why my baby? Why not me? I remember begging God to give it to me. It was unbearable to watch your brand-new baby in pain. As a parent you know the different cries when your baby is hungry, sleepy, or hurt. Catherine hardly ever cried. She didn’t have the strength. When she did it was the softest cry. No louder than a kitten. No parent should have to know this pain. No parent should have spend nights awake wondering if their child will make it to morning. No parent should have to bury their child.

These words are spoken more than you think. Each year in the U.S. there are approximately 15,780 cancer diagnoses for children alone. This September is childhood cancer awareness month. If you know someone who has or is going through this give them a hug and prayer.

Growing pains

Catherine has had a very trying week.  For weeks we have seen a regression in abilities. She went from crawling around the house as quickly as i walk to not being able to crawl without falling. Friday she struggled to feed herself or even sit. By that night she had a seizure. Then Saturday morning 2 clustered together. After calling the hospital we gave her more medicine and waited. A few hours later another one came. We then agreed with the dr that she needed to be seen. When we arrived at the hospital she had a 4th seizure.  She has been very aware of everything going on. Cognitively has been very normal. We were in the hospital from Sat night to Tuesday afternoon. Catherine was amazing. She always impresses me with how well she deals with pain, confusion, and being poked by medical staff. It makes me feel bad for everytime i have given nurses a hard time for just doing their job.  Hard to remain a happy pleasant person when you feel awful, but she manages. She would greet the doctors with a Hi and a genuine smile. When nurses or doctors would start to do things she would ask what they were doing. I love that they would answer her and not just ignore her questions. She seemed to really enjoy being in the hospital except for those nasty seizures. She had a cluster of 3 Sunday night so they gave her a bigger amount of her medicine hoping it would help. It did but it also caused a bad attitude for a couple of hours. It thankfully wore off quickly and she was herself again.  After her MRI she seemed to be returning to all her previous abilities. She was able to sit up by herself, she was crawling, and feeding herself! The MRI is stable and all looked well! All of it seems to have been caused by a big growth spurt. Trying not to worry about the next growth spurt. But for now I’m happy all is well again! 

This face pulls me through.

“I don’t know how you do it.”

I hear this almost daily. Somedays I wonder how I survive, but most days I am so very aware of God’s guidance in our lives that it seems almost easy.

The hard days I do what I have to, to get through. Simple things like going to the bathroom when I want, or a shower everyday just don’t always happen. That’s ok with me. Seeing how much she goes through makes my littles needs seem like luxuries.

My view on “problems” have changed so drastically. Things that would’ve been a big deal before knowing Catherine now are things to be ignored. If I can let go and trust God in this situation why should I even waste my time worrying about something small?

What issues are truly worth my time and attention?